Call of the Mean Gay

Don't laugh. This was being serious.
Don’t laugh. This is real life.

Oh, the Mean Gays. You know, the guys that appear perfectly pretty but when they open their mouths and all this ugly comes spewing out. Even as you read this, you’re probably thinking of a few guys you’ve met from Grindr or Scruff, and even a few fellas you’ve encountered at the clubs/bars. So if our previous post didn’t help you identify the Mean Gay with a simple glance, then a few key phrases will help you notice that you’re talking to one. This particular segment of gays have their own communication style.

It’s Hot. It’s Cold.
The Mean Gays aren’t bitchy right off the bat. Some of these pretty boys are friendly in their first message or two. They may thank you for the woof. They may even drop a picture on you. Beware of the switch-aroo though. That friendly facade will melt away and before you know it, you’re being ignored with malicious intent!

Vaguely non-committal
I will give it to these guys. There are a few that make an attempt not to be overtly rude. You hit one up on the app. There is a decent flow of conversation, so you’re feeling confident. You drop the invitation: coffee, a drink…something causal as not to scare this McHottie away. You hit send and away the reply. Beyond hope you receive one: “Oh yeah, that’s cool. We can probably do that.” Did you catch that? Probably. Other variations include non-committal terms like: eventually, next time, another time, some time, or (my favorite) “Yeah, I’ll let you know.”

T for One?
Any guy, who isn’t in drag, that uses the words “shade” and “T” is more than likely a Mean Gay. Why, you ask? See, drag queens get a pass. They are performers. They are loved for their big personalities, and even bigger attitudes, thus they can be forgiven for their bitchiness. That’s why we love them, like the Real Housewives. Unfortunately, us common folk don’t have that platform to support a bitchy attitude. If a gay is always serving up some T or constantly throwing shade…and using those very words, the ones they learned from RuPaul’s Drag Race, to describe anyone else’s behavior then that is a red flag.

Fluent in Drag?
Fluent in Drag?

Bitchy Phrases
Speaking of, Mean Gays really do tend to communicate in bitchy phrases. This is especially true when they encounter other gays they don’t find appealing. There isn’t room for simple friendships, so instead of fun-filled warm greetings, there are curt responses. Let’s see, these can include the back-handed compliment. If you haven’t received one before, they go something like this: “Nice shirt, it takes a brave soul to wear that out to the club.” This bitchiness will also be employed to stop attempts at conversation: “you ask too many questions.” Translation: stop talking to me. Then there is my favorite example of Mean Gay bitchy communication: “Dancing with you is my random act of kindness for the week.” Umm, thanks I guess…

Just remember to keep your ears open. If he is a Mean Gay, you will hear it in his words or see it in his messages. Bookmark this post so you know how they communicate, and save yourself the trouble of dealing with attacks! Next time we will cover some of the most common habits of the Mean Gay.



  1. Reblogged this on Jorgeisms and commented:
    Here’s the second blog post on the 4 part series of the Mean Gay saga. This post was written by my friend Scott and Words. He shows you how the Mean Gays communicate or lack thereof. Have a read and some laughs.


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